I couldn't stop crying, even after she left. Yes I am one weak man. I was once told very long ago, I was destined to carry out big tasks in my life. The only problem - I must not let women get in my way. From young I've always known I can do a lot of things, more efficient and more effective than most people can. But when it comes to women, I totally fall behind. Even now I am tearing, I just can't believe myself. I've never cried so much in my whole life. It kills me inside to know there is a grudge against me by the most beloved of my life. Perhaps I should seek some help in this matter.

I logged on to my MSN and waited, almost 30mins passed. I gave up. I looked at my contacts. More than half of them already changed email address, with new MSN. When was the last time I logged into MSN? I don't remember. Maybe I should start being more proactive and not be left behind in the social circle. I live solely for us, and inevitably I have you as my friend, only you left. "What happened to your cx friends?" You always ask me. When I got kicked out of CX I cried buckets, not because I love the uniform, not because of anything else. But because I have lost my last batch of friends. I hate SATS so much because of this. These were the first batch of people I have met in my life ever since I finally struggled free from my past demons. To have lost them now left me wide open and vulnerable, no one to turn to. Not that anyone understands. When she mentioned she is my best friend, I must have heaped too much responsibility onto her. Because with it comes every concern I had. I had no one to turn to, and when she said she was my best friend, I turn to her. No one really talks to me, or listens to me complain. I am all bottled up. I tried to talk to Uncle Lek, already on the verge of crying at work. He told me, "nvm, just go home give her a kiss, give her a hug then ok loh"

I did, I kissed but I dared not hug for fear I would wake her. Twice I tried but I did not wanna wake her. Slept on the floor with only the pillow so the rustling sound does not wake her. I should never have friends I reckon, I just drive them all away now. I never was like this but has the past finally caught up with me? Am I not to be the same Michael Liao I myself knew long ago? I'm afraid I'll never be able to find myself again. I'll just be the plain new Michael Liao. Perhaps this 18th century man has to evolve to keep up with his 21st century gf. Being outdated would eventually result in elimination. I will have to come to the 21st century, to come out of my conservatory state and start thinking like a brand new person. Easier said than done? hahaha right.

I better go lie in bed and hope my tears stop flowing. For someone to have no friends is one thing. For me to live normally with my loved one mad at me, I just can't stop crying. Lying in bed so I can feel her warmth from this cold cruel lonely world. I'm such a bitch.

Hilariously Lonely